Is it for the Publicity?

I have been asked why, oh why, have I published my writings.  It is certainly not for monetary gain, public recognition, or any other mundane commercial reasoning.  I am doing this for myself. Yes, just me wanting to share these thoughts and glimpses into my world.

My world, which by some has been categorized as fictional to say the least, delusional at best.  But is it really?

We all have occurrences in our lives that have been experienced by just ourselves, no other family around. Occurrences that sound unbelievable to others but are so very real to us.

I have been questioned repeatedly by family members about things I recall happening involving my mother.  They were not present when these things happened, so, of course, they did not happen. These instances did not fit in with their perception of our mother, so therefore, never happened, or only happened with my fantasy family. Instances that when defending, make others angry and defensive but elicits a sadness in me.

Perhaps these published writings are a mechanism to bring my fantasy family to life – or to have my actual family realize these glimpses are not dreams or wishes, but real. It does make a person tired and weary of falling into a defensive mode when questioned or disregarded about these situations.  Does publishing these make me less tired and weary?  Not really. It is a mechanism for understanding and acceptance of who I am and how I came to be this person.