Sometimes when I dream

I am awakened by someone in the room. This person has come to get me, take me away, and do horrible things to me. This tall, thin person is wearing a jacket of some indiscriminate shade of red and seems to have short hair. I cannot make out the face, I cannot determine its sex. I am very afraid. I cry out with a great scream, swinging my arms, trying hard to wake my husband who is sleeping next to me. I cannot awaken him and the person comes nearer and nearer and I struggle harder and harder.

I am in an office working as a receptionist/secretary. I know these people. The boss is a corporate lawyer. He is very curt and abrupt. I sense his displeasure at my having left the company years before. He tries to curtail my activity, limiting me to useless, meaningless tasks. The Chairman of the Board also comes into the room. He greets me warmly with a hug, wishing me well, and says I should never have left. Things could have been discussed, worked out. He tells the attorney to treat me better, to give me responsibilities.

The person in the red jacket is coming after me again. Even though I cannot physically tell if it is a male or female, I get the general feeling it is a female. That impression is stronger in this second visit. She is carrying a book of some sort. While alternating looking at the book and at me, she makes faces of great displeasure and marks in the book with a huge black pen. I am calmer, but still afraid. I still cannot wake the person sleeping next to me,

The swing on the porch is big and white. I am sitting in the swing, clutching a raggedy ann doll made by a friend of my mother’s. It is my favorite doll because she did not make one for my sister. Only me. I am singing a silly childhood song. I cannot remember the words, just the tune. Mother appears and tries to take the doll away from me, tells me to share with my sister because she is better than me. I refuse. Mother jerks me off the swing and spanks me hard. I still refuse to share. She takes the doll away from me and hides it.

That woman is coming after me again. She has a screwdriver and pipe wrench in her hands. She imprisons my head, tells me to hold still, that she has been authorized to look into my head to find out what is wrong, and if necessary, she will remove my soul because I have not taken care of it.

I again scream, trying to wake my husband, my protector. She only laughs at me and says, “Yeah, right, when has a man ever stood up for you? Who do you think gave me permission to do this? Get real, life is but a dream after all.”

I awaken from this dream. It is early morning. The sun is shining on the green grass, making the dew sparkle like chips of ice. The flowers are in full bloom, and I feel at peace. I feel warm and secure. She approaches again. She admonishes me for being so stubborn and trying to hide from her. She tells me that I can never escape her, that whenever I dream, she will be there. I awaken again. I do not dream anymore that night